Many of us exist in a realm of self-mutilation via the words we say to ourselves. We are, without a doubt, hard on ourselves beyond reason—harder than random internet strangers will ever think we are.
Case in point, I have three blogs I wanted to get done today, in addition to doing minion’s hair, cooking, and putting away the clothes I washed last week. Guess how much I managed to accomplish? Yeah, the number is quite sad.
Instead of getting those things done, I managed to rework my website for a more appealing layout on the cover page, finalize and order my standing banner for my convention this year, wash the dishes from breakfast, eat a late lunch, and redesign some of the site buttons.
My mental barrage is already trying to serenade me with hits like “You don’t have time for this” from the To Do List 2016 soundtrack. Because my inner dialogue knows this all must be squeezed in before Game of Thrones premiers tonight. #Priorities.
Still, looking back over the day, I have to appreciate what I’ve done because the things I did get done have been on my back log of things to do. Could I have done more? Probably, but what would it have cost me?
That is a question that I ask myself a lot now. See, yesterday I was supposed to do the whole website/banner dance, followed by the hair-do hustle. Instead, I went to the mall to hang out with my sister and her boyfriend, followed by a trip to the park for minion to play with her aunt.
Seeing my time as a commodity that I can never get back has both helped and hindered me. I know that while I type this, I will never get these minutes back. On the other hand, I know that those moments that I’ve taken for myself—where I’ve “overspent” on things that may not seem all that important in the face of my overwhelming to do list—are moments and memories that I can cash in when I’m alone. They are moments spent decompressing from the stress of that list, which will likely never be completed because that is the nature of to do lists. Something always replaces the completed task. Always.
Understanding the nature of time and how it applies to my life has allowed me to love myself where I’m at in my life. I can’t ask me to be further along on my path than I am ready to be. Growth takes time. Remembering that small fact lets me know that my growth will happen in doses. And those doses, no matter how seemingly insignificant, are the shuffles, steps, and leaps towards the best me I hope to become.
Love yourself where you are. You’ll get to where you want to be in due time.
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